2019 was a year that began with a lot of personal hope and ambition. I was eager to share my blog after sitting on the idea for almost a year. I was in a job that had me feeling beyond burnt out; but I just knew that I would be coming into a new job soon since I had been applying places, networking, and meeting with a career counselor for months. I continued to make the best of things as I waited by finding joy in the people in my life, my birthday challenge adventures and blog, and really pouring myself into my church community through teaching children’s church. I was so sure that I would have a new job at the start of 2019 that I moved back home instead of resigning my lease and began commuting an hour and 15 minutes to work. That’s one way driving with no traffic. Sometimes, my workdays were 8am – 8pm, so a very gracious friend of mines let me crash with her and her family for a couple of nights each week to cut down on the driving.

As time went on, this continued to be my reality with a growing list of applications that had received no response and a small list of places I’d interviewed only to not get the job. I watched everyone around me get a new job, a new house, a new something; and it made my own journey feel unbearable. Months went by, and I became constantly stressed to a point where I did not feel joyful, motivated, or excited about anything. Towards the summer, there were days that it took hours for me just to get out of bed. I felt like nothing I did was working. I’d been praying, going to Bible study, unplugged from every seeming distraction, and it seemed like things just kept piling up. I even had to start physical therapy again from a car accident from 2018. Eventually, my stress and lack of motivation lead me to see a therapist.

Therapy gave me the space to be honest and come to clarity with myself about the roots of my feelings and stresses. I had been experiencing degree-regretting regarding my Masters, worthless because I could not find a new job event though I felt I had done everything right; devalued by the actions of some of my friends; and the list goes on. As I got more honest with myself, unpacked each of these feelings, and noticed my behavior patterns; it gave me space and clarity to realize my desired solutions, speak positivity towards these situations, then think about what it would take to actualize them and start to feel more like myself. After a few sessions, I began to encourage myself that my worth and value are not connected to my job, degrees, or the way others treat me and to spend more time affirming myself instead of stressing over things that were not happening. After a break for a month from applying for jobs, I was motivated enough to attempt to dream again and apply for jobs in new places like D.C., which I had dreamed about but also shied away of because of fear of not succeeding and hearing how tough and expensive it is to live there.

At the end of the summer, I was supposed to travel to a friend’s wedding in the D.R.; but physical therapy and random skin issues prevented me from going. I found myself sending out a new wave of applications to places all over including a company in D.C. where I had previously applied. I had just talked about a similar position with my career counselor, and it seemed like a good fit for my transferrable skills even though I knew there were technical aspects I would need to learn. The next business day, I heard back from the recruiter for a first-round interview. I thought that I blew it, but I was in D.C. a month later for my final round interview with this company. The energy for this process felt different. The people valued my previous experiences, understood my perspectives, were willing to teach me the technical components, and even liked the fact that I write this blog! Two days later, I got a call, received a job offer better than what was initially proposed, and put in my two weeks notice. I began to feel everything shifting and the answering of prayers.

I wanted at least a month between jobs to just refresh myself and ended up with 6 weeks, which fell over the time of my birthday. I had been saving for a move, so I was prepared for this time. I spent that time preparing for my move and taking care of my health – wrapping up physical therapy and actual therapy. It served as a motivator of for me to have some tough conversations with people in my life to tie up loose ends in my relationships before moving. I was also able to visit my favorite Atlanta spots for the last time, return to D.C. to view potential apartments, do a small series of birthday/moving events, and take an impromptu birthday trip to Toronto and Niagara Falls using the flight voucher from my cancelled D.R. trip.

I wish I could say that things stayed on this high note forever. However, life has continued to show me that it is a series of ups and downs sometimes running parallel to each other. During my last week at home, my dad ended up in the hospital and had an emergency gall bladder removal surgery. Thankfully, he is now fully recovered; but this left me to pack mostly by myself the night before and morning of my move date then drive the whole trip by myself, unlike my initial plans. I loaded my car with everything I could fit, stopped overnight in North Carolina to stay with my mom’s friend, the arrived to D.C. to find that my apartment was not fully ready and would not be until 3 weeks later. With one week in D.C. before I started my job, I was unsettled to arrive to this situation along with poor management handling everything after my journey to get there. I ended up finding someone else to stay in the condo, crashing on a friend’s sofa, then moving in more to rent a space with my best friend’s sister and her family. Dealing with all of this while starting my new job in a new city was the last thing that I expected. Now, I am still adjusting to work, functioning in real winters, taking the metro, and trying to find community; but I am also looking forward to what is ahead since I am overall in a place that’s the manifestation of so much prayer and hope from myself and my loved ones.

Looking back on this past year, it was not the journey that I would have given myself. However, it is one that I am grateful to have experienced. My faith in God, faith in myself, perseverance, confidence in my relationships, and depth of honesty with myself were all strengthened in invaluable ways. My foundation and my confidence within myself and who I am is greater than I think it has ever been. I have seen things and people in my life come together and connect in ways of support that have continued to affirm for me that I am where I am supposed to be. With all of this experience within me, I am looking forward to continuing on this journey, reconnecting with myself and my joy, and stabilizing myself in this new place.

I am still in awe at how much can change in one year. It was also one year ago on this day that I launched my blog, and now I am here sharing this journey. Looking forward, I am eager to getting back to sharing in this space. Cheers to 2020, to another decade, and to all that is in store and yet to be known!

What is something that you gained in 2019?

What is something that you are looking forward to in 2020?

P.S. It is crazy how the purpose of a season can become clear after it is over. I guess hindsight really is 2020. (Haha, I could not resist this pun!)